13-year-old rejects gift from Dad's new girlfriend, then gets rejected herself when she asks to have it back: 'I decided to keep it for myself'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Oct 19, 2024 8:00 AM EDT

Any potential step-parent knows that it can be difficult to gain the approval of your partner's kids. This is especially true if those kids are in the midst of their teenage years. This Redditor may need to learn the important lesson of not taking this treatment too personally, as her boyfriend's daughter probably would not be satisfied with anyone for her dad.  

The original poster (OP), of course, was trying to get her approval when she got the 13-year-old a necklace, a gift the teenager almost immediately rejected simply because of who the gift-giver was. OP took this to heart and decided to keep the gift for herself. Months down the road, the teenager decided she actually liked the necklace and wanted it back, and that's when OP decided to give the kid a taste of her own medicine. Was it wrong? Perhaps, though I would say it was a bit more immature than wrong. Many folks in the comments section seemed to be pretty split on the correct way to resolve the conflict.

For more stories like this, check out this post about a classic "I don't work here, lady" scenario.

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  • 01
    AITA for refusing to give "back" a gift that my boyfriend's daughter (13) had already refused to accept?
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 02
    My boyfriend (37M) has two daughters. A 10 year old and a 13 year old. We've been dating for about 3 years now. I get
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 03
    along well with the younger daughter and she and I'm kind of like a big sister/auntie to her.
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 04
    The older daughter does not like me and makes it clear that she would rather her father not date me (or anyone else from what I gather).
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 05
    Boyfriend and his ex share custody and this year, since my boyfriend had them for Christmas, I got them both presents
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 06
    (got them both necklaces). 10 year old was very excited and happy with her gift. 13 year old got huffy and said she didn't want anything from me and
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 07
    refused to "accept" the gift. 10 year old also opened 13 year old's gift after she refused to accept it and I could tell that she did like what I'd got her. I decided to keep it for myself.
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 08
    Fast forward to today, 13 year old calls and she wants the necklace. She didn't apologise for her behaviour from before or anything (which
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 09
    I honestly don't care too much about). She asked me to give it to her since it's "hers" and "you already bought it". I told
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 10
    her that it wasn't hers since she refused to accept the gift and that I'm not going to give it "back" to her. She got upset and complained to
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 11
    my boyfriend who told her it was up to me whether or not I wanted to give her the gift anymore.
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 12
    Am I being too harsh on her? My sister thinks I'm just making my own life. more difficult by not just giving it to her. Is it petty of me? AITA for refusing to give a gift that I did buy for her?
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 13
    Edit: ok, I did not expect this post to get so much attention. Just to clarify a few things that are being asked, I'm 27. No, this is not the first time I've got them
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 14
    gifts. I didn't write down my thought process properly; I've got them gifts before but they were "experiences" based gifts (for an example passes to amusement parks etc).
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 15
    This year because I was actually spending the day with them, I wanted to give a "proper" gift that they can actually keep and immediately "have" if that makes sense. And yes I
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 16
    kept it for myself, what else am I supposed to do with a rejected gift? Anyway..I realise that I did not handle this in the best
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 17
    way. I'll be seeing her today and explaining to her how I felt and why didn't want to give it to her again and
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 18
    explain that perhaps we both could learn to appreciate the sentiment behind gifts better.I think I
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 19
    will decide what to do with the actual gift after having a proper conversation with her and seeing how that goes (especially since I
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 20
    already exchanged the necklace for a different one and no longer have the original one I got for her).
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 21
    Thanks for all the ideas as to how to approach her and this conversation. And yes I understand that she is still dealing with her parents breaking up and I feel for her, I really do.
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 22
    imissao... NTA, but... You are dealing with a 13 yo child. Be the adult. Use this as an opportunity to grow
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 23
    the relationship. Tell her you spent time picking it out for her. Give it to her, no strings attached,
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 24
    maybe even wrap it up again. Then smile, tell her it looks better on her than you even thought. If
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 25
    you wish for a long term positive relationship, then take every opportunity to reduce the drama and build the relationship.
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 26
    freckle... NTA. You're setting boundaries with how she can treat you. If you were to just give it to her without letting her know what a she was
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 27
    she'll just keep trying to push you around. I think this would be a good learning opportunity where you can sit down
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 28
    and let her know how she was both with accepting the gift and demanding it back.
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 29
    Depending on how that conversation goes you could give her the necklace.
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 30
    But I also think if you don't want to do that that's totally fine too and she'll still learn a lesson.
    via Crimsoncheez
  • 31
    Cheezburger Image 10417393664
    via Jess Bailey

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